Watching the world run by

Running moves me.  It is beautiful and painful.

Today I watched a race instead of participated.  I took my turn standing there offering encouragement to strangers, just as I have received so many times from other strangers.  This was the first time I had ever watched rather than run.  It feels a little intrusive to watch, knowing the depth of what they may be feeling. 

This could be their big achievement in their weight loss journey, running their 1st 5k.  When you have ever been where I was in 2009, a 5K is an impossible distance and is as big of a feat as you are capable of even imaging ever hoping to attempt.

My first ever race was a 5K, and while I had prepared and actually didn't perform too badly, it was a major mental battle, like I had demon of doubt riding on my back whispering discouragement the whole way.  I was so demoralized that my sister had to yell at me to get me to run the last quarter mile.  Looking back at the results later, my pace was on track, I felt inadequate in the moment. (I now run every non-mud race with my Garmin so I can have honest data instead of just emotion to inform me)

Many ran this morning with such confident and grace.  They were a pleasure to watch.  Some ran with obvious difficulty, or with awkward gaits. They were also a pleasure to watch.  Some walked looking frustrated.  I want to jump my fence and come alongside them and tell them to be proud they were attempting this.  Every step has value, especially the slow ones when it hurts.  Watching so many different gaits run by made me curious about what I look like when I run, but also made me decide its probably best that I don't know!


I have been moving a little slower in my own journey lately as I try to keep up with the fast pace of life, but I try to keep moving. 
This week:

• Rowed 15 minutes and did 25 minutes leg machines, with 25 crunches while tossing the 10 pound medicine ball
• Ran and played on the playground with my  kid
• Walked 45 minutes to pick my daughter up from school.
• DAYDREAMED A LOT about: having the time to run more and the money to buy a kayak or go on a trail running trip.  When I came across this blog post I spent a few hours daydreaming about Alaska and trying to figure out how I will ever get enough money and fitness to go live this dream.

Next week is looking very busy and stressful so I will have to make exercise a priority just to maintain my mental health.  I am driving to Tulsa tonight to volunteer at a night race.  Then I work Sunday through Friday, with interviews and job applications to sort through, a department schedule to make, a training and 2 meetings to attend, and performance evaluations to write for 9 staff members. That's a lot of drain on your mind, time and energy, which makes it harder but even more important to run.