Running Rebellion

34:59, 2.17 mile trail run

Today was my first true day off with no schedule in a long time, so I slept in till noon of course!  The laziness ended there.  By the time I was done with my Herbalife shake I was itching to go play in the mud so I assembled my trail running pack and hit the road to Norman.

I was so pumped by the time I made it to Lake Thunderbird's Clear Bay mountain bike trailhead, but I was shocked to see a sign across the trail that said "Trail closed due to mud."  But mud was exactly why I was there!  I was torn, I really do try to observe and respect safety rules.  The call of the mud was just too strong, and I ended up ducking under the handwritten sign and running free. 

My legs felt tired right away, but my mind wanted the run too bad to listen.  The woods were peaceful and fresh.  There really wasn't that much mud, just a few slippery spots.  But it was a beautiful day and I really enjoyed the time to run without any expectations or observers.  Can't ask for a better day off!

When the gym is the highlight of your day

181.0
27:50, 2 miles on treadmill
2 sets of leg machines

I was very pleased with the amount of sweat I earned today.  My workout had to be sandwiched into my day as I ended up spending 6 hours working on my day off.  I had to drive past the gym to attend a policy meeting, and it was so tempting to just turn at the gym and pretend that I forgot.  Unfortunately I have a ridiculous work ethic and just couldn't do it.

I did the treadmill beside Seth (he walked) and during my warm up we held hands!  Then I got down to the real stuff and ran.  Surprisingly the headache that has haunted me this afternoon/evening went away while I worked out and I just enjoyed myself.  I wasn't that fast, but I felt great and really worked up a great sweat.
After the workout it was back to rushing so we could pick the car from the shop, eat dinner, and then go back to work to cover for one of my employees that was out sick.  

Best workout in a long time

181.0
15:00 rowing machine
12:50, 1 mile on treadmill
9:10 lifting
35 sit ups

I'm back!  Tonight felt good, I felt like me again.  I had (most of) my energy back and my aggressiveness returned to me as I worked out.  It felt good to row so hard while I rocked out to P!nk!  My legs were sore and sluggish on the treadmill, limiting my speed, but I had the mental and emotional energy to make my body do what I wanted it to again.  I was looking forward to lifting, but the gym ended up being really busy and I had trouble getting the free weights that I needed so I cut that part short.  When I came home the girls did situps with me and helped me count. 

I feel great. I feel strong. I feel like me!

Squeezing in exercise so I don't have to squeeze into my jeans

182.5
50:41, 8.1 mile bicycling

I managed to mess up the department's schedule at work.  So instead of having my planned day of trail running in the morning, and working from noon to 9, instead I need to be at work at 8:30 in the morning and still closing at 9!  I hate letting being too busy derail me from working out all the time so instead I squeezed in some cardio by commuting to and from work.

Exhausting day, but glad I was able to fit in that exercise. And super proud of not eating the cupcakes that Suzanne brought to work!

Juggling with weights

182.5
35 situps
2 sets upper body lifting

We had planned to go the gym after I got home from work, but hey, life happens.  So after dinner, helping my 1st grader with spelling and getting all the monsters to bed, I lifted weights in the living room while I watched TV. Inspiring, right?!

I haven't been completely sedentary, just busy.  On Saturday my mom and I took the kids to Lake Overholser where we walked along the shore, let them play on the playground, and then walked the trail.  Not strenuous, but it was good to just enjoy the outdoors with my kids.

I'm going to do better.  I am changing my diet in hopes of increasing my energy levels and lowering my weight.  Both of which will make working out easier.

Physical Therapy

182.5
2:14:18, 6.5 mile trail run/hike

My weight gain has been bugging me a lot lately, but this morning it was just too much.  The dress I had intended to wear didn't fit.  The second dress at least went on, but it was far from flattering today.  I started crying as I resigned myself to pants.  And I kept crying. Hard.  (Not normal for me, I totally blame hormones)  I was just so frustrated at feeling like I was stuck inside someone else's  body, and so scared of going back to where I was before.  I was too much of a mess, so I decided to call my boss and take a personal day, rather than inflict this on anyone else.

When you take a day off like this you have 2 choices: lay in your pajamas feeling sorry for yourself while you eat chocolate, or put on your running shoes and seek some cleansing sweat.  I was out of chocolate, so I opted for a trail run.

I have had pick-me-up trail runs backfire on me before: you end up feeling like a failure because you can't perform at the level you expected.  So I gave myself permission to walk as much as I wanted, and to run as slow as I needed.  Today was about time in the woods, not meeting any goals. 

It was a glorious day at Lake Thunderbird! By a mile in, things were straightening themselves out. By mile 3 my confidence was back and the future looked brighter.  I ran Blue loop, which I haven't run in a long time, and I had forgotten how beautiful it was.  The recent rains had greened the woods up, there were little clearings of purple thistle and blooming ragweed (pretty for those of us not cursed with allergies), and beautiful views of the lake.  I saw butterflies, lizards, and quite a few whitetail deer.  My energy levels were the best they had been in a while and I was able to just enjoy running.  I walked a lot to take in the scenery, sometimes just stopping to stare and be grateful.

So now I am wornout, sore toed (all that up and down hill), and very content.

At least I tried

10:48, 350 yard swim

Tonight I swam laps at the Y.  Normally I swim 500 yards then go tread water for a while.  Tonight my goal was to swim 30 minutes worth of laps.  I had to stop because of pain, but not where you might expect: my ear!  For some reason my right ear became very painful while I was swimming.  My neck had also been stiff and sore so I decided a good soak in the hot tub and a steam might be more beneficial.  About 5 minutes in the hot tub loosened up the neck, and 5 more minutes in the steam room alleviated the earache.

But at least I tried tonight. I have felt so very sluggish lately.  Saturday we went to the Zoo and walked all over the place.  By the end I felt like I had run a marathon (minus the chaffing and pain of course) and had to drag myself up the last hill.  All I could think about was how much I wanted a nap! 

I'm not sure why it feels like I am running in sand.  Maybe it is just the cumulative effect from the past month of stress.  Maybe it's hormonal, biological, psychological, or just plain illogical!  Trying to get better sleep at night, stress less, eat a little better and look for ways to push through.

renamed: These will be great before pictures

182.4
5:17, .27 mile warm up walk
18:57, 1.24 mile run
5:45, .27 mile cool down walk

The good news is, I went for a run.  The bad news is, I think I may have horrified the neighborhood.

I don't think I have ever felt so self conscious on a run.  I don't think my self image had caught up with the changes taking place on the scale until I was standing in the restroom getting my heart rate monitor sensors wet.  I glanced up at the mirror and realized my tummy was hanging over the top of my tiny little running shorts!

I can only hope that these will make great "before" photos next year!  This is not who I want to be.  And I will get there, Jessica's just not done yet.

My heavy load

181.4
35 situps
2 sets lifting
10 burpees

I have been carrying a lot on my shoulders (figuratively) and on my belly (actually) and it is a frustrating combination to have.  We are going through a very busy period of good changes at work lately and it has dramatically increased the demands on my time.  I am working 6 days straight this week, and today I left the house at 7:45 and didn't get back home from work until 7:30.  Breakfast and lunch were provided at a training, and then I went to a MOB (Making OKC Beautiful) event where I ate a nutritious dinner of pizza and fried ravioli. When I eat all my meals at my desk or at work functions, its no wonder I have put on so much weight.  The amount of time I am spending at work has also made it hard to fit in workouts.  Oh, have I mentioned that I am an emotional eater?!  Not a good combination. 

I am trying to remember that this season will pass.  I will get all my performance evaluations, all the big projects done, and get the department fully staffed again.  Realistically, things are getting better and I should be able to have a life again soon.  I hope to even use my vacation time before it expires!  Insanity!

I am also trying to remember that weight fluctuates and everybody makes mistakes.  Giving up would only make it worse, and eating that second or sixth cookie really isn't going to make me feel better.

So yes, I screwed up food-wise and my fitness is not were I want it to be, but I did get in a workout tonight.  I did not listen to excuses about not having enough time or energy, even though they were pretty valid.  Instead I watched Stars Earn Stripes and dusted off the weight set in my closet.

And you know what? I feel a little better, a little more in control, because I chose to workout.

A bit of perspective

46:38, 8.13 mile bicycling

Since I got sick last week, I have just been exhausted!  I had trouble getting up this morning, even though I slept in past 10.  I decided that I was going to ride my bike to work (another 6 day workweek) since it was doubtful I would get in a workout otherwise.  My heart rate stayed higher than I would have liked it to on the way to work, possibly because I am out of shape or because I am still sick. It was frustrating to feel like I had lost so much of the fitness gains and regained so much of the weight lost.

All of this left me feeling really discouraged this evening.  Unfortunately this has been too normal lately, and I get frustrated that I am not where I want to be (that Jessica's not done yet).  I laid on the couch after dinner, pondering my excessive schedule this week and how in the world to fit in exercise when there are so many other demands on my time and energy, then  for some reason I decided I needed to look at my finisher's medals.  So I took them all out of the box and lined them up. 

I thought about the woman who was so out of shape in 2009 that she couldn't keep up with her mom when they took the kids to the zoo.  I thought about those first laps around the track at the gym, when running always made me puke.  I thought of how frustrating my first 5k was in March 2011.  I thought about the other races, the ones without medals.  Jessica's not done yet, but she is a long way from where she was!  Looking at these tangible representations of miles run, and the blood and sweat that accompanied them, my optimism is restored.  Yes, I have hit roadblocks, yes I have failed at my own rules, yes I am not there yet.  But I am a runner, and I will continue to keep pushing forward.

A couple weeks ago I came across a quote that has stuck with me:

"There will be days when I don't know if I can run a marathon. There will be a lifetime knowing that I have."

- Unknown

And what a sweet knowledge it is.

Beautiful day to be alive

39:55, 1.2 mile hike with pack

After being held captive by a cold for the last 8 days, I was so glad to get out and enjoy the woods with my family.  The temperature was in the 80s and the sun was shining making me crave the outdoors, but I also still have crud in my lungs, and I was feeling guilty about how many hours I have had to spend away from my kids as I have worked lots of extra hours to get caught up.  So I decided to have my cake and eat it too: pack a picnic and take the family with me!

We drove down to Lake Thunderbird and after visiting the Nature Center we took a nice leisurely stroll through the woods to the Clear Bay picnic area.  On the way we saw 4 deer, a couple lizards, and some raccoon poop (all of which is really exciting to 5 and 6 year olds).  The picnic area was nice, and I was really relaxing, until about half way through the meal my littlest one announced that she saw a snake.  Sure enough, she had spotted a Western Pygmy Rattlesnake about 3 or 4 feet behind her.  We ate the rest of our meal on top of the table. 

The walk back seemed shorter than the way out, and the girls wanted to do more exploring, but first they wanted to get their feet wet in the lake.  Wet feet turned into wet kids and I just relaxed on the sand watching them play.  On the way home my oldest announced (as she so often does) that it was the best day ever!  She was totally right. Especially once we got home and I took a nap.